Weiß & Schwarz VS Telemarketers!
by Luel Reinhardt
Summary: How will each of the guys react to having telemarketers call them? Ayan, Farf, Schu, Brad and now Ken???
1. Ayan!

Okay.so I'm currently working on the third chapter of Clones: Schwarz Mayhem, but I thought that this little fic might be fun to do, so I did it.  
  
* * Thoughts, action  
  
Weiß & Schwarz VS Telemarketers!  
  
Aya  
  
Scene: Aya (Ran) is sitting by the window, with his left leg over right and a book on his lap. He appears to be reading intensely.  
  
Zoom in.  
  
Camera focus on book title.it appears to be.Chicken Soup for the Soul..awwww..  
  
Phone: Ring Ring.  
  
Scene: Aya looks up, over his rose tinted rimless glasses, and peered at the object of his disturbance  
  
Phone: Ring Ring  
  
Aya: Rats. And I just got rid of Ken begging me to play soccer.  
  
Phone: Ring Ring.  
  
Aya: *sighing* Hai? Moshi moshi.  
  
Telemarketer: Hello. May I speak to the owner or a member of this household please?  
  
Aya: *The house belongs to Kritiker and Weiß is the household. Since Persia or Manx aren't here, and I lead Weiß, I guess that makes me the head of the household and the owner of this house*  
  
Yes, speaking.  
  
Telemarketer: May I have your name sir?  
  
Aya: *What if he's being controlled by Schuldich? And they are looking for us? But they already know where and who we are.so.. *  
  
Fujimiya  
  
Telemarketer: Fujimiya-san, I'm Shindou from Taketori Tele-services.  
  
Aya: Oh.  
  
Telemarketer: Well, we sell original Meiji Era katanas and.  
  
Aya: Right.WAIT A MINUTE!!  
  
Telemarketer: Hai?  
  
Aya: TAKETORI???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Telemarketer: Ah.Hai.  
  
Aya: TAKETORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHI- NE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Telemarketer: Oro?  
  
Scene: Aya throws the phone into the air and pulls his katana from..somewhere and slices the phone into half.  
  
Aya: SHINE! SHINE! SHINE!  
  
Scene: Aya keeps on hacking as he screams shine.  
  
Scene: (outside)  
  
Yohji: Aya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!! WE'RE TRYING TO GET ON WITH OUR LIVES HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!  
  
Omi: I think Ken-kun forgot to do something.  
  
Ken(playing soccer by himself): opppiess.I think I forgot to do something  
  
(Inside)  
  
Aya: SHINE! SHINE!!! .Drat.I forgot to ask if he knew where Aya was and what swords they had. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STUPID Ran, BAD Ran, BAD, BAD Ran.  
  
(Starts whining)  
  
GOMENASAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IMOUTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Scene: (outside)  
  
Yohji: Omi! Did you get Aya his crack?  
  
Omi: Yes. Ken you didn't forget to give Aya his medication did you?  
  
Ken (covered in mud after messing with a soccer ball): Oooppiessss...  
  
  
  
  
  
Did you like it? For another 20 reviews I'll do a Ken one! Or maybe Farf, you review and decide who should be pestered by a telemarketer instead! 


	2. Farfie!

I wanted to wait to see if I got my twenty reviews before I put up this chap, but, what the heck, why deprive you of your pleasure right? I originally planned a Ken version, but since everyone wanted Farf, Farf it is.  
  
Weiß & Schwarz VS Telemarketers  
  
** Thoughts, action  
  
Farfie!  
  
Scene: Farf is sitting in front of the television watching the Care Bears animated Series. He's home alone as Nagi had to go to school, Schu had to get more crack and Crawford had foreseen something bad happening and did not want to be around when it happened.  
  
Farf: MUST watch Care Bears! 'Cause watching Care Bears will HURT GOD!!!!!!! NYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!  
  
Scene: Farf is practically glued to the television set and starts laughing hysterically when Grumpy Bear starts complaining about the weather.  
  
Farf: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Complaining about the weather will hurt God 'cause God controls the weather! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Phone: BBBBRRRRIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Farf: WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT CARE BEARS???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Phone: BBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Farf: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUST STOP PHONE AND HURT GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Flashback*  
  
Scene: Farf has just destroyed a phone because it interrupted his Care Bears program.  
  
Crawford: Farf, for the last time do NOT destroy the phone!  
  
Schu: Yeah, how will I get any of it if I can't get any calls?  
  
Nagi: 'sides, not destroying the phone will hurt God more then you destroying it does.  
  
Farf: Really?  
  
All: YES!!!!!  
  
Farf: Okie day!  
  
*End flashback*  
  
Farf: Not answering the phone won't hurt God, that's what Nagi said. So.I guess I'll have to answer it.  
  
Scene: Farf walks over to the phone as if he's stalking it and picks it up cautiously. Farf: Quip?  
  
Telemarketer: Hello, good day sir, I'm Shindou from Taketori Tele-services.  
  
Farf: Quip?  
  
Telemarketer: We sell crucifixes for.  
  
Farf: *twitch* Crucifixes?  
  
Telemarketer: Yes as well as 'Get to know God better."  
  
Farf: GOD???!!!!!!!!!!!! MUST HURT GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Telemarketer: Eh?  
  
Farf: GOD LOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !  
  
Scene: Farf picks up the phone and throws it against the wall and starts to smash it to bits.  
  
Farf: NYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU FEEL THAT GOD???!!!!!!! DO YOU FEEL IT???!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN YOU FEEL IT???!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUH HUH HUH????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Scene: The poor phone is about to be sliced, diced and be sent to a place where no phone has gone before, until the Care Bears' program ends.  
  
Farf: WHAT???!!! NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Scene: (Later) Crawford walks into the room followed by Nagi who is floating three boxes. Schu enters thereafter.  
  
Schu: Oh man!! You did it AGAIN!!!!! YOU FREAKING STUPID IRISH NUTCASE!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Crawford: Calm down Schu. I predicted this would happen and there fore got us each new cell phones.  
  
Nagi: This is will redirect all calls to whichever phone is free whenever Farf is watching Care Bears.  
  
Farf: I don't get one?  
  
Nagi: No. You've been a very bad Farfie today.  
  
Crawford: Yes. Bad Farfie, bad, bad Farfie. You will have to be punished for this misbehavior.  
  
Farf: NOT BEING GOOD HURTS GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NYHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Crawford: no more Care Bears for you until you learn to be sorry for what you did. Schu: Good one Crawford.  
  
Nagi: Woohoo! I finally get to watch Casper!!!!  
  
Farf: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I'M REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
All: NAYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
.  
  
Schu: Casper?  
  
  
  
I hope you liked that Chap. I think a Ken or a Schu one will be up next. Remember to review and vote. The more votes the character has the faster you'll get to read his reaction. BTW, if you want to read a non- Weiß/Schwarz character reaction (i.e. Manx, Tot etc.) Mail or say so in your review. Let me know if you want one about another anime character okay? Okie day! Hope you enjoyed this fic. ~ Kaede Maxwell 


	3. Schu

According to the reviews, it would appear that A Schu one is most wanted one. After which is Ken then prob Brad. Why doesn't anyone want a Yohji or Omi one? And what happened to Nagi? Schoen? Mabbe. Funny, Schwarz seems to have more fans then Weiß does. Strange. Oh well. Remember to vote. *Thoughts, action*  
  
Schu  
  
Scene: Schu is lazing on the couch happily annoying Farf by watching Baywatch while Care Bears is on. (Remember? Farf isn't supposed to watch Care Bears?)  
  
Farf: Schu! Please, please, please let me watch Care Bears!!!!  
  
Schu: And Why should I?  
  
Farf: Cause it hurts God!  
  
Schu: - -;; And therefore?  
  
Farf: We should all hurt God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Schu: hm.maybe.  
  
Farf: Really? Really? Really?  
  
Schu: As IF NYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Farf: :'( BRADDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCHU IS BULLYING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M TELLING BRAD THAT YOU ORDERED MORE OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Scene: Farf runs out of the room and disappears from sight.  
  
Schu: Whatever.  
  
Scene: Schu goes back to ogling the Baywatch actresses when the phone decides to ring.  
  
Phone: A call for you Master Schu.  
  
Schu: Hee hee, I love the way Nagi programmed the phone. Yello?  
  
Telemarketer: Good afternoon sir. I'm Shindou from the Taketori Tele- services. We deal in buying and selling of various goods. Such as.  
  
Schu: Buying?  
  
Telemarketer: Yes.we do buy goods from customers such as yourself and sell them to other customers.  
  
Schu: .Hmm..go on.  
  
Telemarketer: *please, not another insane one* We buy them at double their original price and sell them at half of that and give you 70% of the profits that we've doubled for your benefits.  
  
Schu: *he thinks I'm insane.hmm.* Yes well.I have a proposition for you. Telemarketer: How may I assist you?  
  
Schu: *purring* in so many ways  
  
Telemarketer: Sure.so where do I start? Would you like me to explain some of the benefits to you?  
  
Schu: Of course. There are so many ways to invest in something. And to many things to be invested.  
  
Telemarketer: Well, for example, the biggest invested industry would be the physical industry.  
  
Schu: Oh yess.there is SOOOOO much to be invested.  
  
Telemarketer: Err.well.you could buy some of our beauty or body enhancing products and we'll buy them back and give you 70% of the profits.  
  
Schu: body enhancers? *Cue Schu creepy seducing voice*  
  
Telemarketer: *pulling at collar* *This does NOT sound good* Yeah.we sell medicine that enhancers certain parts of the body.like  
  
Schu: Why bother? I'm perfect already. You however.  
  
Telemarketer: We also.  
  
Schu: From your voice I can tell that you are severely deprived of a fun life. Was your mother hard on you when you were young? Were you never up to standards?  
  
Telemarketer: *suddenly finds eyes filled with tears* Yes, yes exactly. My life was so miserable. It was so imperfect. I was never what my parents wanted me to be.  
  
Schu: Yes, such a tragic past.but I know a way to make things better!  
  
Telemarketer: Really?  
  
Schu: Yesss.this little baby will do miracles for you. It'll make your life better. It'll make all your problems go away.  
  
Telemarketer: I'll take!!  
  
Schu: It'll make you every thing you wanted to be and more. It'll give you better thinking powers, enhance your physical self and make you desirable to every woman you meet.  
  
Telemarketer: Honto???!!!!  
  
Schu: It'll also make you psychotic and drive everyone one else up the wall and make you wish you were never born after you take it.  
  
Telemarketer: *not hearing Schu's last words* I'll take it all! ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Schu: Sir, you are going to be one VERY happy man!  
  
*After exchanging the necessary information*  
  
Telemarketer: Thank you so much..Thank you.thank you.  
  
Schu: Think nothing of it. *Now, to get revenge on Farf* OHHOHHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Megumi style [Rk])  
  
  
  
  
  
Oh yeah, I got new pics for Weiß Kreuz: Gluhen. New character pics as well as the new designs for the guys and the originally planned ones too. Email if you want them and please specify. There are quite a lot of them. And if you got any questions, ask, I might be able to answer them. BTW, Aya becomes a teacher in the new season and he has a BRAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	4. Crawfie

Hey! I'm back with another piece of work. It's Crawford's turn to answer the phone. What's his reaction gonna be. Hmm.read to find out ne? Thank you for all your support and reviews, C&Cs and like wise. Minna, domo arigato~~!!!!!!!!!  
  
http://users.animanga.com/weisskreuz/ (this is the link that most of you wanted to find out more about Gluhen. Hope it helps.  
  
** You get it by now right?  
  
Crawfie!!!!  
  
Scene: Crawfie is sitting by the table, reaching for his aspirin after having listened to Farf's complaints about Schu and vice versa. He has just sent both children to bed and was about to sit back and relax when.  
  
Phone: Ri.  
  
Crawfie: Don't bother.  
  
Scene: Crawfie picks up the phone, sighing, and wondering why the poor soul that was the telemarketer had such luck as to keep calling the same household without realizing it.  
  
Crawfie: Hello Mr. Shindou.  
  
Telemarketer: How did.  
  
Crawfie: Yes, I know that you're a telemarketer.  
  
Telemarketer: We.  
  
Crawfie: Prefer to be called Tele-service promoters.  
  
Telemarketer: Eto.I'm from.  
  
Crawfie: Yes, I know that you work under Taketori Reiji at the Taketori Tele-service Center  
  
Telemarketer: Are you.  
  
Crawfie: I'm sorry, but I am not interested in any of your home fitness program. I am fit enough as it is.  
  
Telemarketer: How.?  
  
Crawfie: I am not a mind reader. I merely tell the future.  
  
Telemarketer: Wha?  
  
Crawfie: I'm a clairvoyant. A Precog.  
  
Telemarketer: What's.  
  
Crawfie: It means to have knowledge of something in advance of its occurrence, especially by extrasensory perception. Telemarketer: Can you tell me how to solve.  
  
Crawfie: I know you have problems. But so do I! Do you know how HARD it is to live with a nut who can't feel pain and one who can just move things without batting an eyelid or how about one that can read your mind? Do you know how hard it is to have to stay composed all the time even though you feel like falling out of your chair with laughter? Especially when you read things like this: "Oh no! Here comes the clairvoyant, hey there's the telepath and the telekinetic and oh look, the one who can't feel pain." DO YOU KNOW HOW DEPRESSING THAT IS???!!! To have an entire image destroyed because of the 'one who can't feel pain' ????!!!!!  
  
Telemarketer: .I have.  
  
Crawfie: I don't care if your wife is giving birth right now and the hospital is trying to contact you!!!! You called me!! So listen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Telemarketer: .My wife.?  
  
Crawfie: Yes YOUR wife is in labor right now and the hospital is trying to contact you know. You will have a boy whom you will eventually name after me.  
  
Telemarketer: .a boy.?  
  
Crawfie: Yes! A BOY!!!! And in another year you will have a girl!!!!!! And you will name her.  
  
Telemarketer: Name her.?  
  
Crawfie: Damn this headache.  
  
Telemarketer: Tell me more!!!! Tell me more!!!  
  
Crawfie: I have a headache. You will leave me now and see your newborn son, Bradley, in fifteen. Now go. Leave me be.  
  
Scene: Crawfie slams down phone and finally gets to take his aspirin.  
  
Later, at the hospital.  
  
Exactly fifteen minutes after the call.  
  
Scene: Telemarketer, Shindou is seen with his new son Bradley who happens to look exactly like Crawfie. aawwwww how sweet.  
  
Telemarketer: YES!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE A SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I WILL NAME HIM.BRADLEY!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	5. Kenken!

I'm sorry.seriously, I just had to do this.  
  
Ken  
  
Telemarketer: Hello?  
  
Ken: Yes?  
  
Telemarketer: May I speak to the owner of the house?  
  
Ken: Hmm.  
  
*flashback*  
  
Scene: Ken has just come back from watching a soccer match at the mission room and has totaled the room after having been excited by the match. Football prints are everywhere and everything in this room is smashed.  
  
Yohji comes back with Omi after tending to the shop and is the first one to find the mission room in its current trashed state.  
  
Yohji: Everything is smashed!  
  
Omi: You think maybe it was Schwarz??  
  
Yohji: No, I know who it was.  
  
Omi: Who? Who? The last person in the room was Ken and he was watching the World Cup.oh no.  
  
Yohji *chucking*: Aya is going to have a fit when he gets back.  
  
Omi: what say we go grab a pizza??  
  
Yohji: Good idea.  
  
Scene: Both leave, after telling Aya about their whereabouts.  
  
Aya comes back and sees the mission room.  
  
Aya: KKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ken: Meep!  
  
Aya: KKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET DOWN HERE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T WHIMPER HIDAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS YOUR FAULT SO DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Scene: After Ken comes down and is made to listen to Aya's lecture on why he shouldn't play in the house and why ('cause Aya 'owns' it for Kritiker), he is given a punishment. Subsequently, we see Ken cleaning up the mission room and being banned from watching soccer matches unsupervised in the mission room again.  
  
Ken: Hold on please.  
  
(Puts phone down to go find Aya)  
  
(Kitchen)  
  
Ken: AAAAAAYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Bedroom)  
  
Ken: AAAAAAYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Living Room)  
  
Ken: AAAAAAYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Rec. Room)  
  
Ken:AAAAAAYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!  
  
(Mission Room)  
  
Ken: AAAAAAYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Flower shop)  
  
Ken: AAAAAAAYYYYY..  
  
Fan girls: KEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Rush to ken)  
  
Ken: AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa...AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Runs away)  
  
Telemarketer: Are??? He~llo~ is anyone there????  
  
(12 hours later)  
  
Ken: I'm pooped.  
  
(spots phone)  
  
Ken: Now, I wonder who left the phone like that.so irresponsible, no wonder Manx couldn't get us today. 


End file.
